Victim Mentality and Suffering Patterns

Last week, I drove 735 miles—pretty much only going to and from school and sports, Monday through Sunday. If you’re my close friend, I probably complained to you. I was really having a pity party about it. My shoulders, neck, and mid-back hurt a bit from driving so much, and I was really feeling sorry for myself.

Add on the fact that I often leave my house at 7 a.m. and many nights don’t return until 9 p.m.—later during hockey. Add on that my kids aren’t nearly as motivated this year to get up for school, making mornings feel really rough so far.

So, yeah, the pity party was in full swing.

Now, here’s the thing—I know 100% about the law of resonance, about victim mentality, and about how resisting what is magnifies the very thing we’re resisting…and I still couldn’t shake it. Not until I brought compassion AND TRUTH—and some belief-system work—to it. It took me literally the entire week to do so.

HOW did I do it?

“Misty—you’re really loving how it feels to tell people how much you’ve driven, and you want them to feel bad for you.” (talking to myself).

YES.

I needed to feel into what it GAVE me to have that kind of attention—to be “seen” for how much I do for my kids, how giving I am of my time, and how all of that makes it harder for me to make other plans with friends. I really wanted to be seen.

But could it be enough that I can “see” myself? How would it feel to simply honor myself and my commitment to my kids?

Turns out, it feels pretty good when I sit with that.

I also wanted someone else to fix it for me. HOW? I don’t know. But I do know that when one of my friends told me she’s “holding the vision for a carpool solution to show up,” it reminded me that I had closed myself off to any sort of vision like that because I was in my suffering.

So, I will practice the resonance of teamwork, ease, and shared responsibility when it comes to school and sports carpooling…I’ll keep you posted.

Lastly, the belief system: Does this have to feel hard?

What would it feel like to enjoy the car rides and the time with my kids? They say I’m going to miss it—so what would it feel like to treasure it NOW?

I realized that part of my discontent was the disconnect I felt when I let my kids be on a device in the car. Those are the rides when I feel the most unease and disconnection. So, back to screens off. Even if we end up not talking, at least we’re just in stillness—together.

A few days ago, a podcast episode came into my field, and it was SOOOO good. It was all about levels of consciousness, and I have to share what Peter Sage said while describing the victim mindset:

“You only have to go to the savannah to understand that victim isn’t a place you want to be.”

RIGHT???

Where are you in your suffering pattern or victim mode?