Spiritual Dating

Since I moved to Duluth, I’ve been searching for home and for community—especially the kind of spiritual community I had at my yoga studio (which, as an aside, is still going strong without me—which speaks to the deep-rooted community that was built).

At first, the search felt exciting. It was like being newly single and dating, looking around and wondering if this new person, this new group, this new place might be Mr. Right. Maybe this is where I’ll find my people. Maybe this is where I’ll feel at home.

Then the search started to feel a little more like “Are You My Mother?”. It’s a children’s story about the lost bird going from one place to another, asking if each new creature might be its mother. I could relate to that little bird. Are you my home? Are you my community? Is this where I belong?

In this last year, I feel more like a jaded single person who’s been through every rotten relationship and is starting to wonder if there’s any hope of finding “the one.” I say that with some humor, but there’s something real underneath it. I’m tired of hoping a new connection will become a home, only to find myself still searching. I’ve found myself really going inward and becoming a hermit spiritually….and by the way…that has purpose as well, I believe.

I’ve been trying to understand this through three yogic energies “the Trimurti”: creation, destruction, and sustenance. Creation is the spark—the new idea, the gathering, the possibility of bringing people together (air quality). Destruction (fire quality) has a purpose, too. It clears what has ended and makes room for what comes next. Sustenance (earth quality) is the tending. The follow-through. The steady care that lets something take root and become more than a promising beginning.

I don’t necessarily think Duluth is missing any of these energies.

I see people and communities with deep care, commitment, and a real desire to preserve what they’ve built. But sustaining what already exists can become disconnected from the energy of creation and destruction: the openness to new ideas, and the willingness to let an old form end when it no longer serves the people in it.

I see creator energy here, too. People have ideas, start gatherings, imagine new ways to bring people together. There’s no shortage of sparks. But when each new beginning stays in its own pocket, without connections between people or enough follow-through, it can be hard for those sparks to become part of something shared.

I also see destroyer energy. Things end. People leave. Communities lose members, and old ways of doing things begin to break down. Destruction can clear what has become stagnant and make room for something new. But when an ending isn’t met with the courage to create again—or with the care to sustain what’s emerging—it can leave another gap. The people who hoped to help may grow and move on, while the community remains much as it was.

Maybe what I’m sensing isn’t that one energy is absent. It’s that they aren’t always in relationship with each other.

Sustenance without renewal can become stagnant, holding on long after they’ve stopped serving the people in them (the opposite of Aprarigraha). Destruction without discernment can burn it all down, which can lead to burning down important structures or history accidentally or purposely when it doesn’t need to be burned down (like throwing the baby out with the bathwater). Creation without sustenance can become flitting from one idea to the next, leaving beginnings behind before they’ve had time to take root. A living community needs all three: the courage to begin, the wisdom to know what to release and what to preserve, and the care to stay and tend what is growing.

I know that’s what I’ve been looking for all along—not just another beginning, but a community where these energies can work together, and where belonging has the chance to become home.

I’d love to hear from Duluth locals what they feel—and if you live in a community where you see this as well, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Alternatively, maybe you live in a strong spiritual community that is thriving and you can name what is going well for your community. Please share—help a gal find her spiritual hOMe.